What is Intimacy and why is it so important in our relationship to nurturing Intimacy?
This is a question I have asked myself a lot lately and after doing some research, I found out, that in order to answer this, we first need to really understand what intimacy really is. Intimacy is not just having a great sex life. It is a part of it for sure, but not all. Intimacy really can be divided into 4 types:
- Physical Intimacy: hugging, kissing, sexual touch, cuddling
- Mental Intimacy: meaningful conversation, shared values and interests
- Spiritual Intimacy: respect for each other’s beliefs, shared purpose, nurtures each other’s inner peace
- Emotional Intimacy: affirming, caring, interested in each other feelings.
In order to create a really intimate relationship we, therefore, need a combination of the 4 types to truly feel great.
Actually, it is not “hard work” or incredibly difficult at all, (like most people believe to think) but it does require constant nurturing. It is not “a thing” you purchase, and then it will remain forever. The sweet spot in the center of the picture below is alive and it is your task to make it blossom day after day, week after week, month after month, and year after year. That’s where the Magic liquid to keep your relationship intimate lays.
So, How can we add some Physical, Mental, Spiritual and Emotional Intimacy into our relationship? Let’s continue and dig further to receive some ideas on how to create more intimacy in your relationship.
What Is The 4 Types Of Intimacy In Depth And How Can We Create More Of It In Our Relationship?
The Physical Intimacy:
This one might be the easier one to create in theory, but it is not always that way in real life. Life gets busy and in the way of taking the time to your other half, but don’t underestimate this type of intimacy though. If you feel that you are lacking physical intimacy in your relationship, make an effort and commitment to create timeslots in your calendar for each other. Start to hug and touch each other more. Make it a habit to clap the bottom of your significant other when passing her or him. Make an effort to go to bed and just lay next to each other completely naked, and you will see that after some time, you will naturally start to want each other more and more. It might feel awkward at first, but I do believe that this will create vibes between you and you will naturally start to want each other more. Remember that what you nurture and what you do, you always crave more of. So, if you want to create a more intimate relationship you must start making an effort, to not just come home from work, eat your dinner, do the housework and drop into bed without kissing your love goodnight. It’s all about creating good habits, that will make your relationship blossom and come alive.
is the communication you have between you. It’s the spoken words. Many times, we start out our relationships with wanting to know the other person, Their thoughts, their background, their view on different things in life. But somehow often, as the relationship grows, we think we know the other person so well, that we stop sharing values, beliefs and generally our communication becomes much poorer. This is a crucial factor and so important to understand! We must continue to talk. It’s that simple! And yet so difficult! Try to make some simple rules or guidelines at home. For example, to eat at the dinner table without any phones or TV around you. Try to implement eating all meals while sitting down and really be present at the table. Open up, talk about what has happened during your day, or what is bothering your mind. Come up with solutions together, laugh at a funny man you saw on your way to work or share your opinion of something that is happening around you.
Don’t take the other person for granted and think that you know what he or she thinks and feels. Even after years of being in your relationship. People grow and evolve and one thing is for sure – Change is inevitable! It the one thing that will always, no matter what happens, be constant. So keep growing, keep evolving and keep your relationship alive this way.
This is probably the most difficult of the 4 types, but nevertheless incredibly important when creating a more intimate relationship. Spiritual
Intimacy means respecting the other persons beliefs and values and genuinely support the others persons opinions. Now we are moving away from our mind and heart and instead travel into our souls. Respect is the key here. When we start to open up more to each other in the mental phase, really try to listen and give the other person time to express him- or herself. When we listen, often we only think about how we can answer whatever is being told. Instead, we should just “be”. When going into the spiritual intimacy, it is not about our ego, but about the other person and about connecting on a deeper level. Time, Space and Respect are the keystones to spiritual intimacy between two people.
In order to connect in spiritual intimacy, we must take our time to understand first and foremost and then to be understood. Not the other way around. Put your ego aside just for a while and see how the other person starts to open up more to you. It’s important, that when you do take your time and listen, to not judge right away and having to find a solution on the spot. Sometimes we don’t need a solution, we need a soul to speak to and just share how we feel inside.
Remember, that God created us with 2 ears and 1 mouth, so use them wisely!
This type of intimacy can be found through actually loving the other person. This sounds so simple and yet so effective. Emotional intimacy is something that we learn when we are children. Our parents filled us up with this type, by constantly nurturing and affirming us and genuinely care for us. When we grow older and we start to have many responsibilities, sometimes we neglect this type of intimacy. Suddenly it is us, who have to give this type of affirmations to our children, but it is so important for our function as human beings, to continue to also receive this type of intimacy. I learned this myself recently, and I started to affirm my mother in so many different ways, and I can truly say that our relationship has only blossomed from doing this consciously. Oh, and a bonus – It feels amazing too! Both to receive, and to give this intimacy.
We often so busy in our search for love, that we forget to create love. “To Love” Is a verb and when we start to love another person through affirmation, touching, caring, asking about how the other person feels, then something interesting starts to happen between you.
Can I Only Have 1 Intimate Relationship?
So, as you can see above, we are also naturally creating intimate relationships with other people than our significant other. Siblings, parents, great friends, neighbors, co-workers ecc. The list is long. However, when creating intimate relationships with any other than your other half, some of these factors will not be present, for example the Physical Intimacy which is a private sexual type. However, we can share a very intimate relationship with our friend on an intellectual level, consisting of both the mental intimacy and the spiritual intimacy.
Intimate relationships are vital for human beings and we thrive when we feel those feelings, however we think that it is something that comes automatically when finding love, which is unfortunately not the truth. It takes consistent action and search to create and recreate an intimate relationship that consist of all 4 types, but there is nothing more worth investing your time into – With that said:
Of course, there are many other ways, than the ones listed above on how to create more intimacy in a relationship and one of them is through different activities, such as creating a hobby that you can do together from the comfort of your home.
I have, together with my significant other, created a 6 Weeks Bachata Course in Dancing and it will bring you much closer to each other through Mental and Emotional Intimacy. We communicate, laugh, we care, affirm each other, and of course touch each other in ways you don’t normally do in your everyday life.
And ultimately you will feel connected at a much deeper level, touching base on the spiritual level of intimacy as well. If you feel, that this sounds like something you could use in your relationship, then click the link below and you can read more about our course. We would be happy to help you move forward and create the relationship of your dreams.