Broken up, divorced, or separated couples often have a lot of wisdom to share on how to lead a healthy and happy relationship. They often would talk about relationship tips they wish they would’ve learned earlier so that they never had to go through that pain in the first place. Unsurprisingly, once the dust settles after separation, people do not only realize the tips for a better relationship they learned but also get to learn a couple or more than a couple of things about their own selves.
Yes, people have learned that they needed to spend time on themselves apart from their relationship, but not too much that the relationship is neglected, or even that they should have let their partner spend time on their own too and not become too clingy. Some also realized that conscious planning instead of laidback behavior is the way to go.
Not all relationships are perfect. Sometimes they come with more ups than downs and sometimes they come with way too many downs. Mistakes are made. Only people who understand that relationships are a constant effort lead towards the road of becoming healthy and happy. That doesn’t mean that such relationships have no bumps on the road. At times, the curveballs of life prove too wicked and even the relationships that look perfect from an outsider’s point of view have their own rough patches to go through. It’s life.
It’s also important to understand that regardless of the reason a relationship ends, whoever has been asked about it, it’s hard on both sides. There is stress, grief, and probably a lot of sadness. That’s why many people after having a break-up or even before getting into a relationship feel the need to search for the relationship tips that they wish to know before jumping to their next or their first-ever.
Is there any way relationships can be stopped from reaching the dead end?
People wish they knew each other better, they wish they traded fights for pep talks, and they also wish they consciously put an effort in the relationship, even if it meant to push harder to opt for couple’s therapy of any form — all of this much before they fell apart. And it’s only wise to believe that love doesn’t come with an on-off switch. Relationships are made of too many threads of memory and hope and heartache.
And yet, there are certain things that if you take care of, you will certainly secure yourself a long-term relationship with someone who you really like and admire despite all their differences and quirks. You will save yourself and your loved one from a lot of heartaches if you start following some tips for a better relationship as a team. And this way you may never reach at the dead end of your relationship.
The relationship tips you wish you would’ve learned sooner
Invest in someone the same amount they invest in you
If someone doesn’t treat you like a priority forget about investing more than how much they invest in the relationship. Don’t end up getting treated like an option when you deserve as much respect, consistency, and love as them. Be clear and vocal about your boundaries and core-values early on. If any partner tends to disrespect what you have already defined and show actions of having different values, they are most likely wasting your time. You will receive what you tolerate and you should always remember that.
Communicate as much as you can
Always be courageous enough to ask questions and express what you truly want. Do not hesitate to communicate with your partner clearly. This will help you avoid misunderstandings, sadness, and drama. Life is too short to act like you don’t have any feelings. Not sharing your thoughts and feelings with your partner as clearly as you want too, will assure that you two are living different realities.
Never go to bed angry with each other
You will be very lucky if you have someone who cannot sleep knowing that they did something that has hurt you and they can mend. Going to bed angry will only make you wake up angry too. And trust me, repeating or continuing an old argument will not make your next day better! Clear out the air between you before sleeping, like this waking up the next day will be comfortable and your next day will start so much better.
Remember that it’s never too late to take back control
If you have to question your partner’s actions for you, you probably are being treated poorly. Always remember that the greatest act of self-love is walking away from the bad treatment even if it means breaking your own heart. You deserve better. There is always better option out there. Staying in a relationship where you are treated badly is not the environment you want to live in.
Put in some effort
At times, loving someone isn’t enough to make a relationship work. Even if you love someone deeply and you feel it in every inch of your body, it’s not always enough to create a long-lasting relationship. Mutual respect and a shared outlook on standards and core-values have to be indispensable parts of a relationship. It has to be more than a feeling — it has to be a choice that you make every single day.
Give 90% sometimes
Unlike popular opinion, it’s not always about giving 100% in your relationship. It is advised that both people always think about giving 90% to each other and they both will be very happy that way. What is meant by that is that it’s so important to think about how your partner is feeling, to stand in their shoes, to be giving and compromising, and emotionally generous.
However, 10% is for the understanding that sometimes it’s also perfectly just fine to be a bit selfish and to place your needs first. Sometimes it is OK to stand firm on something. Always remember that giving 90% only works if you are both giving the same amount.
As time passes in a relationship, ladies definitely tend to think about their man’s needs and feelings the majority of the time. They sure try to be compromising. In return men only give 90% of the thinking or consideration to the lady’s feelings.
Giving 90% usually means that sometimes you can give something up but most of the times you both should get what you want and both should feel equally loved, supported, and feel like they are in each other’s corner. Do not be afraid to be giving because when there is love, the other person must really be having your best interests at heart. Often you will agree on what you both want. And when you don’t, you will tend to take turns supporting each other’s wants.
Be responsible for your own happiness
This is going to be a bit longer. Nobody seems to understand this but it’s not recommended to give your happiness in someone else’s hands. Is it your partner’s job to make you happy? No, it is not. It is of course easier to feel good when your partner acts in a way that you want. But it’s your job and responsibility to make yourself happy.
To need your partner to be a certain way in order to feel good is a kind of bondage. To think that your partner is always going to be in a good mood and always be directing their affectionate attention towards you is impossible to sustain in the long-term. That may be possible during the initial stage of a relationship though.
So in any case or relationship, it’s always better to be responsible for your happiness while they are responsible for theirs. You should both deliberately focus on things to feel good in your lives separately, and also on things to appreciate in one another.
Look at it in this way — if you keep looking for someone else to complete you or vice versa, you will keep looking in the wrong direction for the lasting happiness, wholeness, and fulfilment that you truly seek. It would be so much better if we all would find a way to feel how we want to feel regardless of what our partner is saying or doing.
Truth be told, many couples say that this specific advice has transformed every other relationship in their lives — not just romantic ones. Before couples heard of this advice, they were unintentionally holding each other responsible for their own happiness. Once they learnt about it, they also learnt how to consistently align with it and their entire world transformed. They then got the freedom to choose if and when to spend time with someone else and deliberately chose to spend time with others who get this, too.
Their relationships became more meaningful, more loving, free, and most importantly, more fun than ever. Also, their overall happiness continued to grow, regardless of whether they are in a relationship or not.
Stop holding each other back
In any relationship, there is no point in putting boundaries on one another. If someone is treating you badly you cannot change their behavior. However, you can ask yourself why you accept it and also how you can put a boundary on yourself so that you won’t ever accept it again.
This will make you take more responsibility for your role in a bad relationship. Instead of feeling like the victim of a situation, you will be empowered to reject bad treatment and choose a different person.
They say life is a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you believe you are undeserving of happiness, love, prosperity, and affection, that’s what the universe will give you in return.
Learn skills together to grow together
It’s important to partner up when life gets crazy. By partnering up we mean that you should learn some skills together to grow together. Learning a skill as a team will bring you closer than ever. Cooking, cleaning, and dancing are considered as some fun couple activities that can reignite the spark in your relationship. It’s true that when life is overwhelming, we often fail to bring much to our relationship.
You might skip watching that movie you decided to watch together, dance together, get some work done together, or you would hardly kiss your partner before bed because you are so exhausted. But it’s recommended that you spend time with each other to learn a skill. For instance, dancing is considered a skill that keeps you active, increases self-confidence, and at the same time brings you closer to your partner.
One should consider partner-dances like Bachata. Dance Incubation is offering a free videos series, where you will learn how to move your body in 3 everyday situations. It’s both fun, and a very different take on how you can actually incorporate dancing in your everyday life without taking classes, spend an extreme amount of time OR even leave your house.
Lastly, Prioritize intimacy
Intimacy is more than just physical touch. It is incredibly important to increase intimacy in other ways too. The kind of intimacy we are talking about is the one that comes from the physical touch of non-verbal communication — genuine eye-contact, mutual smiling, etc. All of these tiny moments will make your heart flutter and swell.
These gestures are the ones that remind your partner that you are in this together, that you choose them and are happy that you did choose them. If increasing your own initiation of this type of intimacy doesn’t lead to them doing the same, many couples have acknowledged that it’s that time to consider a couple therapist who can help you figure out underlying issues.
Over to you!
Lastly, always assume the best. Whether or not you are an optimist, chances are, 9 out of 10 times (if not all 10 times), your partner has no intention of upsetting you. Always try to sleep with that thought.