Unlike what romantic movies and rom-com series have portrayed, love isn’t always all about flowers and chocolates. Love in a relationship is about two people making an effort. If both people are making an effort, then only a relationship is healthy and happy. Respect, communication, openness, and love between you and your loved one are the signs that make you qualify as a happy and healthy couple.
There are many reasons you might not be able to call your relationship healthy and happy right now. It’s a fact that bad habits between couples can turn any relationship unhappy or even the strongest of the bonds weak. Relationships can seriously suffer as a result of bad habits.
Maybe right now you cannot quite put your finger on the problem you and your partner are facing but you are feeling that something might be off or something is missing in the relationship. If something has changed and neither of you is as happy as you used to be, you may think that your relationship is about to end. Even when you are loving and supportive, sometimes, the problems continue.
Before we explore the habits for couples who do not break up, let’s first explore why you are feeling that something is off. There could be many reasons. People often attribute breakups to trivial life stresses, but merely those are not the reasons why couples break up. All those seemingly diverse problems boil down to three underlying reasons:
They fight over their differences
In the beginning of a relationship, or what we call the honeymoon period, a couple’s differences tend to stay in the background. We focus more on the similarities than the differences. This is the time when the attraction is at the strongest and the relationship is taking its time to form. But nothing lasts forever.. or does it? You cannot stop the honeymoon period from passing. But the good new is that once it passes, that’s when the relationship sets in.
So in a real relationship, it often happens that we get disappointed. We don’t always get our needs met. At times, we don’t like something or the other in our partners. And we may not always agree on the important things. As soon as the real relationship sets in, couples have escalating conflicts, they might feel like they chose the wrong mate, sometimes blame each other for their problems, and even think about breaking up.
This means that the couple has not found a way to make the conflict go away, solve the problems, and accept the differences. They are not as kind and as generous to each other as when they first met.
They stop paying attention to the relationship
While we have talked about how a relationship needs people to make an effort, at the same time, a relationship needs attention too. Every couple would relate to the act that they were highly satisfied in the starting. But later they start to take each other for granted. They stop paying attention to one another. As soon as couples stop paying attention to each other, they may experience disconnection, lack of touch and intimacy, and finally, separation.
They will get a sense of growing apart and no longer feel connected, no longer do things together, no longer be intimate with each other. Then even the normal stresses in life often pile up only to end up crowding out time for romance and intimacy. The lesser the attention to the relationship, the greater the chances will be of the couple letting the grievances they have been holding against each other tear them apart. Some couples divorce or separate or break up because of the rising and severe disconnection and conflict, all results of lack of attention to the relationship.
They find it difficult to influence each other
The third and most common reason that couples end up breaking up is that they find it difficult to influence each other. There is a perceived lack of balance between partners. So when even one of the partners feels like they have to accommodate or change more than the other partner, one or both may feel like they cannot influence each other.
Relationships evolve over time. And then, couples have to adjust to changed circumstances. The roles may change and life experiences will be different on the way. If one of the partners continues to be the same and the other is doing the most of the changing, resentment may set in.
What’s the secret to a long and happy relationship?
If you feel that some of the above-mentioned bad habits or all of them have become part of your relationship, you may think that changing that situation would mean grand romantic gestures. Well, it doesn’t. The trick is to establish healthy habits. And instead of one-time grand gestures, one should establish healthy habits and do little things day after day, year after year.
Relationships are not a one-time effort and if you also agree that it’s a constant and lifetime of work, then you can have a look at 7 habits of couples who do not break up and always stay in power of their relationship.
7 Habits of couples who do not break up
Let’s have a look at the habits of happy couples who end up in long-lasting and happy relationships.
1. They look for ‘consensus’ not ‘wins’ in an argument
The way couples approach disagreements play an important role in declaring a relationship healthy or unhealthy. Problems start to appear when both people think of winning an argument and conquering their partner as the main goal of any argument. But it should never be in a way that partners let one prevail over the other or do not focus on coming to a consensus.
Not knowing how to fight fair often leads to couples end their arguments prematurely as they are too frustrated or heated to properly resolve them. Without resolution, even a temporary one, you will find it extremely difficult to move forward.
Experts say that even though arguments are challenging couples should stick with finding the compromise or solution that both the people can live with. Being unable to get to a point of resolution with their arguments has a toxic effect on the relationship. Happy couples know this.
2. They don’t assume how their partner feels — they ask
In the heat of an argument, it often happens that couples jump to conclusions about each other’s feelings easily. But successful couples, which means couples who are long lasting and do not break up, are able to focus on the context of the argument at hand instead of making sweeping generalizations.
It’s always better to not assume about each other’s circumstances and setting or make broad conclusions about a situation. Couples should always be curious enough to inquire and also be prepared to listen without judgement.
3. They always show respect to each other
Different people tend to have different opinions about life. We are inevitably different. But that doesn’t mean we can start disrespecting people who have different ideologies than ours. When we show disrespect to our partner for the differences, we express that we do not accept them as a full package and accept only parts of them. Which is not how it should be.
Respecting your partner is a habit that everyone should develop. Think of it as water — a necessary ingredient in order to survive — without it a happy, healthy and long lasting connection would not be possible. When you show respect to your partner, it shows your love, acceptance, and warmth towards them. It’s about always showing respect, even in times of disagreements. The point here is that even if you disagree on an issue, showing respect will help you handle it as a team. This makes all the difference in the world — more than you can ever imagine.
4. They consciously make time to regularly check in with each other
Life gets hectic. When couples fall prey to busy lives they often switch into autopilot and start going through the motions. But long lasting couples know the importance of being intentional about nurturing the relationship. They make it a point to regularly schedule opportunities to check in with each other. They stop.
You can do anything from a quick nightly catch-up session before bed to a more in-depth yearly sit-down conversation. A conscious effort, however little, can make all the difference and happy couples seem to verify this too.
5. They turn off the TV in the evenings and be with each other
There is no way couples can connect with each other when the television is always on. Constant staring at the television screen in the evenings will not lead you to any connection-building at all. Couples who make it a point to turn off the TV in the evenings and spend quality time together are happy couples.
It’s true that occasionally couples can snuggle and watch a movie together and create a bond but it’s also true that you should avoid watching television most evenings. It’s always better to ask your partner about their day, plan for the next vacation or your next date night instead of just spending time aimlessly. Happy couples focus on developing their relationship and talk about things that need to be addressed.
6. They cook and clean together
It’s so much fun to cook and clean with your partner. Doing these fun couple activities together makes these activities all the more enjoyable, even if you don’t enjoy cooking or cleaning in general. The habit of cooking together has a way of creating intimacy, connection, and love. Then once cooked, eating the food that you have cooked together, makes the whole experience an intimate act where you two can build a deeper connection. And it also is a perfect opportunity to spend quality time together.
If one doesn’t enjoy cooking as much as they enjoy cleaning, it’s preferable that one person can cook and the other can clean the mess caused because of cooking. The point is to do teamwork and feel good about accomplishing something together. When you complement each other’s tasks, it becomes a way to appreciate the hard work the other person has already done. Isn’t it important to always appreciate and value your partner, even if it’s as simple as cleaning the dishes?
7. They dance together
It’s for a fact that the closer you are, the closer you get. And likewise, the closer you get, the closer you are. When couples take online dance classes together, they enable themselves to create a higher bond. Their relationship gets better and they enjoy a more intimate physical relationship. Any time a couple is on the dance floor together, it automatically becomes their private moment in a world of their own.
Many social events demand dancing. From weddings, dates to parties, etc., you can be sure that dancing could break at any time in such events. So why would any couple leave themselves on the sidelines when the band plays Bachata music — the music we dance Bachata dance to? Being able to move in unison with your partner signifies a certain social grace and the ability to fit in and enjoy good time together to the fullest. In fact merely the process of learning a skill like dance together can bring couples closer than ever. Dance Incubation is offering a free videos series, where you will learn how to move your body in 3 everyday situations. It’s both fun, and a very different take on how you can actually incorporate dancing in your everyday life without taking classes, spend an extreme amount of time OR even leave your house.
Over to you!
Relationships are teamwork. Life is already a big dance that is smoother when well-executed. You can get more out of life and your relationship with all these healthy habits. Dance together, cook together, move together. Leading and following, you will be as happy as the couples who do not consider break up as a solution but rather work hard on it. Even the most perfect relationships do not last long without constant effort and if anyone tells you otherwise they’re simply lying to your face.