This might be a bold headline but it is true right? 1 wife is not enough anymore, we want more. Bigger dinners, more money, faster cars, skinnier girlfriends, bigger houses and so on. We crave and desire SO many things in life that we sometimes forget the reason why we want these things.
We live in a world of instantiation. Every task should have been completed yesterday and we want results before we have done the work.
But how to unluck this symptom and open up to see the reality that we brought ourselves into? This is what we will take a look at and help you see how you can create a life where you enjoy the present, cherish the past and look forward to the future.
Why do I always want more?
One of the biggest reasons we want so many things life, is because of comparison. We naturally compare ourselves to people around us, and when we see what others have and how it makes them “more worthy” because of it, we suddenly want the exact same thing for ourselves.
What we tend to forget is, that we are not the same person (thanks god) and what makes one person happy is not necessarily what is going to make us happy. But we envy and dream and believe that the next thing or item is the one that will make us happy forever. Like a magic pill…
But is there any magic pill to happiness?
Well I would say, that if there were a magic pill, the recipe would be something along these lines: “Dig deep into your own soul, learn what fulfills your heart, create a plan how to create and recreate that and take action towards it” on the back of the pills there would be a label stating “OBS: No materialistic things in life will fulfill you”
Comparison really is a dreadful thing, even though you actually can’t live without it and need comparison in your life to take decisions. For example, if you are at the grocery store and you need to choose between 2 different tomato sauces. You would compare them in taste, brand and price for what you want and need. Comparison therefore is a function our brain has and needs, in order to take choices but when comparison becomes a part of you and you constantly compare your life or how you look with other girls or boys, men or women, that is where comparison becomes toxic and robs you from your happiness.
Try to notice if you are comparing yourselves to other and when you do, say to yourself “She/he has that, good for him. I am happy he is happy. I have this and that which makes me happy”.
Try to exchange envy and hate with content for another person and you will see how every time you do this you become a little bit lighter and freer in your own mindset.
More want more:
The thing is, that you might want something really bad in your life and obsess about it all the time, knowing that once you get this your life will be better. But what happens is, that once you get it you probably don’t even cherish it. You immediately create another wish and the day after, you are again unhappy…
Imagine the holiday you really want and need so much. Once you get there you are extremely happy and life is great. But then the rain comes and for 2 days you must stay indoors. All that content is over and you are angry because now your holiday is ruined. Coming back to reality and your job again, you wish you would have enjoyed your holiday more, because even though it was raining, it was still better to be there than back in your 9-5 and funny enough you might repeat the story all over again next year instead of learning to be happy no matter the situation.
Fear of missing out:
As human beings we are wired to be curious people. We want to know everything and fit in. We are a flock spices and we travel in groups of people searching for love, affection, friendships and a space in the group.
That is why we always want to know the latest news and why we naturally gossip all the time. When you know the latest news, you are the one bringing fresh content to the group you are belonging and that makes you feel good, important and a part of something.
Deep within us we all have that fear of missing out. Missing out on information, missing out on opportunities, missing out on materialistic things and more.
When we see our group having certain things, we believe deep within us, that we also need to have the same things in order to fit in and belong. How often do you see a group of friends dress the same way, talk similar language and even act similarly? Or professions that require a certain look? They must have a certain watch on their wrist. Many even go as far as to buy fake watches, bags or clothes to be a part of the team in the office.
We are “pleasers“ of nature and while it is important to dress well in a professional job, we should still keep our integrity and stick to our own persona.
How to break the pattern of wanting more?
One of the best ways to get out of the pattern of always wanting more, is to acknowledge what you already have. Personally, I always thought this was a negative thing, as I never wanted to settle.
The famous words from Steve Jobs “Stay Hungry, Stay Foolish” had just implanted themselves into my mind and there was no way I was going to stop and settle in and be content with what I had accomplished and where I was in life. I was still far from my goal and dreams in life.
But over the past year I have really understood and grasped the practice of gratitude. When we celebrate what we have and acknowledge how far we have come, we create a state of flow and our brain like that state, leaving it hungry for more of this feeling.
So actually what you create, is an abundant mindset where you will receive and attract more of what you want in life, instead of living life discontent from the disappointments that the next thing around the corner will make you happy.
Write down what you miss in your life:
Writing down what you are desiring in your life is a great practice. Start by writing down the things you really wish you had in your life. Afterwards you think more about it asking yourself these questions: What is that thing representing? What is it about that thing, that would improve your life? And what is the actual reason behind wanting that particular thing…
A few examples could be:
A Camera: If you want a camera, maybe what you really want instead, is to travel and create everlasting memories. Think about it. Do you need this camera for taking professional fotos for your business, just for pleasure, because your friend just got a camera and you think it is awesome too or do you long for the camera because you want to actually go out and explore the world and take pictures that you will cherish and keep as memories from the places you have visited.
Time: If more time is what you are craving then start by asking yourself, time for what? Is it more time to spend with your kids, more time to start a hobby you always wanted, or time to study a new language? When you know what you want to do with the time you want start by creating a plan of what you are spending your time on right now? It might be that you are watching TV every night or scrolling through the newsfeed in Facebook more than you need?
Try to create a plan where you eliminate any time wasted and you will see the time coming your way, to do what you wanted.
A boyfriend: If a boyfriend is what you really want to have in life, then stop waiting for him to show up on your doorstep. Start with yourself and search for happiness within you, instead of in another person. Waiting for something to happen just by thinking of it will never be the solution to happiness, but rather to depression. If you find happiness in yourself and what you do for a living, you will attract the right person like this, by being in flow and sending out the right signals.
A new car: What does the car represent to you? Is it to show off, or usage for transportation? My friend wanted a new bigger car but after speaking to him about it, what he really wanted was to start a family. Have kids! He told his own mind that he needed a new bigger car for that family, with space for a stroller and baby seat – Except he didn’t have a baby yet.
He would have taken a loan to buy a brand-new car, putting him into dept before even having a family. Instead, he is now focusing on his relationship with his wife, finding happiness and stability and making a baby, to start their family-life they always wanted.
Break free of the 4 desires in life:
When we act based on the 4 desires in life: Sex, Money, Prestige or Power we will always have the wrong intent for our actions. It might sound a little too Buddhist to you, but nevertheless it couldn’t be truer.
Your actions should be taken for the action itself, for example helping another person should be for the helping itself, rather than to obtain something back in exchange for that help. As humans we are wired like that already from child. “If you give me a kiss, I will give you a chocolate”. We are exchanging things and treats and we always have been. Only when you really can move away from this thought pattern, you will truly break free from the “more want more” pattern.
Live in Bliss
Living in bliss means living without worries, in perfect happiness and great joy. Now, living in bliss sounds like a dream universe and many argue that living in bliss means you are ignorant or unaware to the things around you. While this might be true Bliss is a state that you can travel in and out of if you know how to create bliss for yourself.
Visualizing your life how you want it, is the very foundation of a blissful life. Find your integrity, understand yourself and hold tight to your own core of who you are and you will be way ahead on your journey, away from “more wants more” into a blissful and happy life.